My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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