If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize