I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
