what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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