Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
