She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
