i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need moral support for this bender
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
