so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
