i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
