At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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