You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
