No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
