I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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