obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
