I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
