I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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