I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
