nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
