This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
