Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
