its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize