Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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