Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
