i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
vagina is talking i cant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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