I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
