That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
