dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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