so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize