capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
