I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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