its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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