he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize