I wish I could teleport
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
