My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize