Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
