I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize