His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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