Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
