maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
