I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
