I hate your face
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
