On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
