It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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