Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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