im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
