hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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