The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
