My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
