At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
