I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
