I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
