where am i from again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're a waste of cheezeits
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
