Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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