I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All the doctor said was why
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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