I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
