I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
