Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
