there's paper in my vomit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
