Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
