Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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