We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
