It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
