Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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