Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
