dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
